In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Me Time.” It has spurred me to admit that I have neglected the ‘Me time’ of blogging. It has been a while since I created a new post but its like missing a friend….a couple of day is normal in between coffee dates or meeting up, but a couple of months and you really do put pressure on a friendship to last the course.
My humblest apologies to my followers as I haven’t given myself even a small amount of time for ‘Me time’ or in fact ‘you time’ to nurture the new shoots of friendships that began to grow at the start of writing my blog.
Someone asked me the other day about blogging and stated that they too had concerns about them being interesting or engaging…. I admit it would be impossible to be both those things daily but, as always, I told her the main purpose of my blog was to be honest. To show me as me with my flaws but also to show you my strengths.
It was during this time that I realised I hadn’t watered my shoots for a while, or connected with those people who have so kindly read, responded and commented on my blog.
So today, I have made some tome for me to write to you to thank you for sticking around and that I hope to start giving myself time to nurture these friendships and hopefully create space to produce more.
How do you make time for you?
If you have followed my blog you may know that one of my utmost important values in my life is honesty. I have walked away from many a friend or family member who found it impossible to be honesty. Dishonesty by omission is not excluded in this value.
I can write a short blog post or Facebook status, but it would never perfectly described just how integral this core value is to me. I won’t go into the several reasons that could account for this lack of trust as, in truth, what would it solve to drag up past experiences that have shaped the person I am today? Today I try to live honestly in a sadly dishonest world.
The sad thing is I still have that childish belief that other people hold honesty in as much importance as I do. Awareness is marvelous until it extinguishes the hope that people feel the same way. I never cease to be amazed at the behaviour of humans and I came to the conclusion last night that some people are so afraid to live honestly in this world.
Art is a therapy, a friend. You can always trust in creativity and it never lies. Where else could you feel such love, such happiness than being completely and utterly at peace with a collograph or painting?
Definition of Honest from Urban Dictionary
A divine attribute we often wrongly assign to one we admire, but sadly, like telepathy, honesty is a characteristic not inherent in humanity. To be truly and completely honest with someone, one must first be truly and completely honest with one’s self. Since our species is incapable of seeing past its own fears, desires, prejudices, convictions, emotional attachments, memories and flawed perceptions, man is not capable of viewing an unfiltered reality. Every single conclusion a person comes to is first carefully screened and reviewed through a series of subconscious unrelated facets of collective reasoning and thus all humanity is blind to all truth. Thus, no one is truly and completely honest with themselves and thus cannot be truly and completely honest with others. The most anyone can hope to give is their honest opinion. But that’s all it is, an opinion.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Golden Key.” What box would I open? I thought about sitting in on ‘big wig’ business meeting just to make sense of the madness of the business world or ‘rat race’ but would this benefit me in any way? I doubt it and what a waste if I only had one key.
I could think about a box full of the secrets of life but again, would this guarantee a happy contented life or just a life where there was nothing to look forward. A life where the element of surprise and adventure would be lost and there would be no need for hope as you will have the blueprint.
So then, what else?
If I had a golden key, I would unlock the brain of the depressive. I would trace the steps to find the source of where they lost all hope and look at the impact that words had played in their measure of self belief. I would sift through all the wreckage that had build up and search and search to find gems which have been overlooked or easily forgotten when the dark cloud or black dog has got its grip.
I would make a board of all my findings, plaster a wall and surround myself with memories of the positivity in life and bring my back on the path of hope. I would burn the negative findings so that I wouldn’t get enveloped in them again and make a ‘to do’ pile of pieces that I would address when my self belief returned.
The fact is just this though. I have that key already. I have access to all this if I would give myself time and trust in others to help me. The key isn’t hidden, its just been mislaid. When its time, it will appear and I can then unlock ‘infinite precious things’.
I don’t know about you but I have been brought up to be self sufficient. Currently it kills me to be reliantly on others, waiting for phone calls to work in the rat race so that I have the funds to be creative. I was going to entitle this ‘spinning plates’ as I feel that’s what I am trying to do.
I want to do so much and there is not enough time, or money, to do all the things I want. I have exciting plans and yet know that there are some ‘shoulds’ that I have to do first before I can surround myself with loads of happiness and be creative.
I haven’t always felt like this. I have had jobs with lots of money and yet haven’t had the strength or motivation to do anything due to unhappiness and ill health. When I took the decision to leave a well paid job, I knew it was absolutely necessary for my life! I will never regret making that decision. Today I have a good life and I love it but unfortunately I carry with me that financial insecurity of my childhood which can tarnish my view today.
Why is it that the only negative in my life is often at the forefront? When I look at the reality of my life, I have everything I need. Thankfully I know that these feelings are fleeting and when I start to work on my creative tasks I get lost. The plates spin by themselves and all is well. When I concentrate on only one aspect of my life, quite often it can become immense and impossible to control. It grows like a huge beast over powering the positive and whitewashing hope. It loses all sense of proportion.
“Thoughts are like seeds that grow in your mind… once they take root and are given light they will flourish. It is up to you to chose whether they will be weeds or Flowers.” Kim Bayne
What I need to do is to keep everything in its right place and its right size. Count my blessing and focus on the positives in my life. I need to surround myself with flowers and bask in their beauty. Until next time X
Firstly thank you for all the likes on yesterdays post on ‘Adventure’, It was lovely to be able to share some positivity. Time for some more?
I do not profess to be someone who spends her day pondering the meaning of life, but when I am tuned into life and my awareness is heightened, for some reason I always look for a message. I quite often learn what I should be doing this way rather than keeping myself obsessing about what ‘could be’ or ‘should be’.
Todays walk was just like that. I walked a usual walk with my dog and I always carry a camera with me. Today I noticed that a walkway had been cropped and only weeds remained. I could have put my camera aside but today I didn’t. I found some wonderful delicacies in the weeds, the shapes and forms were amazing and I started to look beyond the weeds.
The message? Look beyond the weeds.
Life may sometimes seems to be full of weeds, lack of interest, unwanted pressures of ‘shoulds’ and ‘ought to’s’. But when I truly look at the aspects of my life that truly are beautiful, the friendships I have that have a common passion for creativity, the man in my life who encourages me to be nothing more but happy, the family members who accept me for me, I have to look beyond what I may feel to the reality of my life. My life is full of delicacies that are simply beautiful. and for that I am truly thankful. What do you find when you look beyond the weeds?
“You see persons and things not as they are but as you are. ”
― Anthony de Mello
I am a little undecided about what to blog about tonight. I don’t aim to be a master of writing nor a philosopher on life but it does help to share my thoughts and artwork to help people get to know me and what I am about.
That, in itself, is a massive step for me as I lived behind masks for years. I know today this was because I didn’t really like myself enough to let people get to know me. Today I like myself :-).
Ok, so two subjects have been whirling around my head and in some way they are entwined. The first is awareness. I love the subject of awareness. My life over the last few years has led me to become aware of myself, my thoughts and how they affect my behaviour.
“People mistakenly assume that their thinking is done by their head; it is actually done by the heart which first dictates the conclusion, then commands the head to provide the reasoning that will defend it.”
― Anthony de Mello
I love to people watch. Some call it awareness, some judgement, but I call it self preservation. I watch, I become aware, I judge and then I preserve my sense of self. I no longer hide behind masks or pretend. I learnt the meaning of the word congruence and, as a visual learner, I pictured two parallel lines. I wanted to be congruent in all my life. I wanted to be, and live, in line with my thoughts and feelings and be honest and open. What a great freedom this has given me.
A couple of days ago I posted about my values and being true to those values. Escaping the rat race enabled me to do just that. To draw new parallel lines that meant I was true to myself, my loves and passions.
The second subject was about putting people on pedestals. I personally find it dangerous. No man or woman should be put on a pedestal. We are all human and we make mistakes. I have a friend who says ‘high expectations, low serenity’. We are not faultless and to place someone in an unreachable position leads to unhappiness when our needs are not met. If people put you on a pedestal the same is true, you fail to meet the needs of others who raise you up.
Tonight I sat in a room and watched. I could write a general description of the people in the room from my perspective. However, as Antony de Mello says, “You see persons and things not as they are but as you are. ” Another person in the room tonight would see a completely different picture. They would feel a completely different vibe and both of us would be right for us. I saw people lifted up on pedestals and also with people who sought validation for what they were saying.
Art is very subjective, it can be viewed very differently by whoever chooses to look at the piece or series of works. It would be fabulous to create something that could be seen as ‘dynamic’, ‘original’, ‘ground-breaking’ or ‘beautiful’. I wait expectantly to see/hear people’s opinions of my work but in reality, the only persons opinions that should matter is my own. I only need to answer the questions of whether I fulfilling my creative needs and being true to myself?
In truth, I find it uncomfortable to think that I don’t need affirmation from others. I am not yet at the point where I don’t need to seek the approval of others and I envy those who have that self assurance. I still have a way to go in fully believing in my skills and abilities. There is work to do in creating and having faith in my successful identity as an artist. I have only just begun to see the value in my own gift, rather than in the gift of teaching others the skills I already possess.
I write not to gain assurance from others but I love it when I get an email to say that someone is following me. It helps me to realise that I have a voice, that I am worth reading about and that I am not alone in this journey of self awareness. Hopefully I can help in your awareness journey by walking with you hand in hand. Maybe we can share what we see and learn new insights.