Category Archives: Escape

Honesty

If you have followed my blog you may know that one of my utmost important values in my life is honesty. I have walked away from many a friend or family member who found it impossible to be honesty. Dishonesty by omission is not excluded in this value.

I can write a short blog post or Facebook status, but it would never perfectly described just how integral this core value is to me. I won’t go into the several reasons that could account for this lack of trust as, in truth, what would it solve to drag up past experiences that have shaped the person I am today?  Today I try to live honestly in a sadly dishonest world.

The sad thing is I still have that childish belief that other people hold honesty in as much importance as I do. Awareness is marvelous until it extinguishes the hope that  people feel the same way.  I never cease to be amazed at the behaviour of humans and I came to the conclusion last night that some people are so afraid to live honestly in this world.

Art is a therapy, a friend. You can always trust in creativity and it never lies. Where else could you feel such love, such happiness than being completely and utterly at peace with a collograph or painting?

A friend messaged me this tonight. Your comments are appreciated.truth

Definition of Honest from Urban Dictionary

A divine attribute we often wrongly assign to one we admire, but sadly, like telepathy, honesty is a characteristic not inherent in humanity. To be truly and completely honest with someone, one must first be truly and completely honest with one’s self. Since our species is incapable of seeing past its own fears, desires, prejudices, convictions, emotional attachments, memories and flawed perceptions, man is not capable of viewing an unfiltered reality. Every single conclusion a person comes to is first carefully screened and reviewed through a series of subconscious unrelated facets of collective reasoning and thus all humanity is blind to all truth. Thus, no one is truly and completely honest with themselves and thus cannot be truly and completely honest with others. The most anyone can hope to give is their honest opinion. But that’s all it is, an opinion.

Advertisements

Right place, right time

Sometime you just have to be in the right place at the right time. This morning I was enamoured by a dolphin swimming in the sea, it’s not an everyday occurrence here in England but today the performance was just for me.

The day ended much as it began with being in the right place at the right time. I hadn’t planned to capture photographs today but the opportunities were there. Not only were they there, but I took them.

I was reminded today of going that extra distance to get the fullness of what can be seen. Life can be like that. You can go so far, taste the sweetness but then stop often thinking that either you don’t deserve any more, or that to go further would spoil the experience. However, by going further, your perception can change, the sunset deepen and the richness becomes richer. Why settle when you can have more?

Moving from the ‘rat race’ into creativity has opened up a whole new world. By challenging myself to enter into more experiences I am learning more about myself, others and that life can really get brighten if you just go that little bit further! X

Why not comment on where have you found yourself in the right place at right time and share your photos xX

Here are mine to start you off. Enjoy the views! Xx

20141012-204820-74900901.jpg20141012-204819-74899392.jpg

20141012-204822-74902462.jpg

20141012-205130-75090388.jpg

‘Love affair with your own b£&@!?£’

I heard this tonight and what a fabulous way to sum up the belief I can often have with some long held negative thoughts and opinions (bull£&@)) about myself. Quite often these beliefs are like a pair of old slippers, extremely comfortable, well worn and that, for some strange reason, I find reluctant to let go of.

Some beliefs are so ingrained that they have taken on the very steps I walk, the mannerisms I have and almost morph into me. Sometimes I don’t recognise the ‘bullshit’ and, quite often, believe wholeheartedly that what I tell myself, about myself, is the absolute truth. Thank God for perspective, for friends who can stop these thoughts simply by challenging their truths.

In ‘The four C’s’ I spoke about the four types of people I surround myself with today and I am grateful that these people give me a full and honest view of myself in ways that can be both positive and challenging.

I’m not saying I surround myself with people who pat me on the shoulder or continually stroke my ego, but people who care enough it give me the truth.

Another way it has been described recently is that you can surround yourself with so many different people and they are all staring at a beach ball. (Me) Each person has a different view point. Some see red and yellow, some blue and white but they are all seeing the same object/person.

The love affair with my own bull£&@ had to stop at some point. Running away from reality was not successful and it has been only by relying on the help of others that I have been able to start truly living.

A love affair can be something sordid or something truly beautiful. I want to dance through life wearing life like a loose garment, but before I can do that I need to take off the corset of self criticism/abuse or what was so aptly put tonight, bull&@£&. I need to untie the laces that have kept me from facing fears or trying new things and get rid of the limiting beliefs about not being good enough or that I was a ‘beautiful mistake’.

“Happiness is an inside job” said William Arthur Ward and I need to start feeding myself up on positivity and love for myself, from myself. Today I feel the happiest I’ve felt for a long time. A weekend that has been incredible and has shown the truth to me… I am good enough and that isn’t bull)&@&!

*I do not usually use bad language in my blog so please do not stop reading. This quote had to be used without being watered down. Sometimes it needs to be knocked in with a hammer rather than being stroked by a feather.

Self indulgence

Had a brilliant day and it has finished as it started, with friends. It’s been a while since I have felt so self indulgent without the feeling of ‘shoulds’.

Today I wanted to spend time with new and old friends who make me feel good about me.

For many years I have held on to ‘friendships’ through obligation. When relationships had clearly run their course, (I see today) I would drag them on wringing out the very last drop. I would always be the rescuer as it gave me a purpose, and when I was no longer needed, I then became a victim who persecuted.

Today I spend time with people who, like me, have travelled the distance. People who have been to very dark places, but who have survived. Despite adversity, and probably because of it, the new and old friends have a greater understanding and compassion for themselves and others. We, together have bonds that are beautiful rather than the chains of obligation of previous years.

Self indulgence today is a gift, to truly allow yourself a day to just be. A day where you can eat cake without worrying about the scales or sit drinking tea knowing that whatever chores need doing, can wait until tomorrow.

What a blessing not to rush through life and to be able to witness the joys of animals or the colours of flowers. Doesn’t this self indulgence sound perfect? Well it is. Just for today.

A perfect day today, a reminder of what lies ahead in my journey from rat race to creativity.

Why don’t you try it?20140913-004001-2401248.jpg

Adventure

This weeks Daily Post Weekly Photo Challenge is ‘Adventure’.

Both pictures I’ve taken are of everyday life that I see daily. But these are special. How often do we underestimate what goes on in everyday life. The picture of these gents enjoying a morning stroll with their dogs. Who is having the adventure?

The second is of my dog who whilst watching over the last few days has been a blessing. Seeing his face light up when you pick up the lead ready for ‘walkies’. Every walk is an adventure. Wouldn’t it be fantastic to wake up with that sense of expectation and joy?

I certainly have a lot to learn about this word ‘adventure’ and maybe a change of perspective is in order. The adventure from Rat Race to Creativity should be seen as an adventure rather than finding it difficult to overcome the obstacles of fear.

Today, my pledge is to be ‘more dog’ and treat life as loose clothing, enjoy it for the adventure it’s meant to be.

20140909-102141-37301890.jpg

20140909-103104-37864168.jpg

No place like home

Well it’s my last day in a hotel today and thankfully tomorrow I will be heading off home. I have created a new set of greeting cards called ‘All year through’ and taken a few more photos inspired by the ‘MM27 Monochrome madness’ series of Leanne Cole as well as the lovely pictures by fellow blogger ‘Color is Law’ and ‘Leaf and Twig’.

It’s been a fantastic break and the weather has been on our side but it is always nice to get back home. Once home, I race round like a fool to hide all evidence of the holiday so not to feel low. My mind then automatically goes to work. Thankfully I have an exhibition to prepare for and I’ve been asked to go to a college to be interviewed for a potential support role.

How do I feel? I feel more excited about the exhibition than the job because I would love to be a full time Artist….. However, I’m building my (small) empire which requires patience, thought and a market, all of which I need to develop as my business develops. I love what I do and the sooner I can break completely away from the rat race the better. If I have to be part of the rat race to help finance the business (or should I call it my ‘play’ or ‘dream’) then at least I will be in a role I enjoy and know that I am making a difference.

So I will bid you goodnight as I prepare for the last night of my holiday. Wifi intact, I will leave you with some more photos. Thank you for reading and have a great weekend!!!!

20140905-185043-67843872.jpg

20140905-185044-67844307.jpg

20140905-185044-67844005.jpg

20140905-185043-67843739.jpg

20140905-185044-67844163.jpg

To thine own self be true

Following yesterday’s post, I’ve tried today to live in the now and I’ve had a lovely day. Apart from the odd phone call about possible work I’ve managed to stay in the present without worrying about the next pay cheque or opportunity of work.

I suppose that’s the only downside to escaping the rat race. No longer do I look forward to the 22nd of the month when I could breathe a sigh of relief that money was coming in and when I had the luxury to buy what I wanted without thinking.

Don’t get me wrong, I want for nothing. I am not destitute and I am in a fortunate position, but it’s a insecurity that is years old.

When you’ve worked to build a career and the wage that rewards the effort, I have found it difficult to go from that, to waiting to receive a call asking you to work. The answer? Make my own work!

As a self employed artist, it’s about finding a problem to solve that would form a regular income. I’ve also got to consider the ‘impulse buyers’ and have pieces of work that are affordable. I’ve read in a book that someone has made a living writing a blog and travelling. Wow! If I didn’t have such self doubt I’m sure I could do that! Hahahahahahaha

Anyway about the ‘now’. I want for nothing, I have shelter, food, warmth, love and security and I am enjoying the freedom of not being involved directly in the rat race. I’m allowing myself the gift of time to build a career around what I love but also what I believe I am good at.

I went into teaching to change people’s lives, to make a difference. I know I did that in the years I worked within FE.

However over the last 7 years the students I worked with changed my life and perspective. They helped me to become more loving, compassionate and more supportive to the ‘underdogs’. The ones that no one wanted to work with, but those I found I had a natural ability to work alongside.

In those 7 years I became the best teacher I could’ve been. I was ‘outstanding’ according to OFSTED and I saw miracles in the lovely students I worked with, so why, you may ask, did I leave?

Because I could no longer protect them. I could no longer assure them that they would be ok and that no one could hurt them in my care. Systems were put in place that meant that I couldn’t create the haven that they craved nor keep the wolves from them. I felt powerless.

I was often told to keep my emotions out of the role, but how could I? When you are working with the most vulnerable how do you keep robotic, lifeless or unattached?

As an artist I am emotional, I feel, I see and observe many things. I feel pain with other people and cry alongside the strongest of characters. I also feel tremendous joy when I know the battles that people have overcome to gain qualifications or achievements that they thought they would never get!

I am me and, although I am far from perfect, I can’t and won’t change the person I am to fit into any one else scheme anymore. I will not force a square peg into a round hole just to please others. I have to be true to me.

Of course I miss the money, the security and excitement of the 22nd of each month, but what I miss, I gain in the new adventures and connections I am making whilst I’m making this transition from rat race into creativity!

I am open minded and willing to learn. Any comments or suggestions on how to grow my little business would be greatly appreciated xx

Thanks for reading x

http://www.beckyfield.com

20140902-194009-70809725.jpg

20140902-194335-71015314.jpg

Hope

The last two weeks I have worked at my old place of work as a temp. As I left today I tried to sum up what I saw. I knew the negativity I felt, as this was familiar, but what could I see? After a hour or so, it came to me. I saw hopelessness.. Once I could name what I saw, I felt sad, but then rejoiced in the fact that I no longer need to feel that way.

After 13 years in the rat race, I left feeling hopeless. Since March 2014, I have found my hope restored through various means to get me to where I am today. Although I have my daily fears (usually around money) I have so much in my life that renews this hope each day.

Today my eyes are open. After dusting myself down today I walked through the local park. Eyes open I saw wonderful beauty and textures to photograph and draw. I am currently in Scarborough, England and a late evening walk, has enticed me into going with my camera to the sea front tomorrow and capture the creativity of manmade beach huts as well as the natural beauty made by Mother Nature.

Have you ever felt hopeless, desperate and lost? as if all the colour has gone from your life? Have you ever felt like you have no idea how to get it back? Then you will understand the feeling you get when that hope is restored.

You will understand the feelings of relief when you wake each day looking forward to whatever is in your path, rather than dreading the negativity and pressure of the rat race.

I may be fearful of a life without money, but I must be grateful that I am alive to see the small wonders and to feel that hope again.20140829-223909-81549784.jpg

scarborough beach Canvas Prints, Box Framed Prints, Wall Art
http://www.photo4me.com

Find your bliss

Just a quick post today. Had a great day with fellow artists and crafters. A pure, uninterrupted day of complete bliss. How wonderful to have the opportunity to complete give a whole day to generate new ideas amongst such creativity. I am so pleased with what I have produced and just wanted to share these card designs with you. Have you found your bliss?
Enjoy, see you tomorrow! Xx

20140816-235027-85827647.jpg