Category Archives: belief

Honesty

If you have followed my blog you may know that one of my utmost important values in my life is honesty. I have walked away from many a friend or family member who found it impossible to be honesty. Dishonesty by omission is not excluded in this value.

I can write a short blog post or Facebook status, but it would never perfectly described just how integral this core value is to me. I won’t go into the several reasons that could account for this lack of trust as, in truth, what would it solve to drag up past experiences that have shaped the person I am today?  Today I try to live honestly in a sadly dishonest world.

The sad thing is I still have that childish belief that other people hold honesty in as much importance as I do. Awareness is marvelous until it extinguishes the hope that  people feel the same way.  I never cease to be amazed at the behaviour of humans and I came to the conclusion last night that some people are so afraid to live honestly in this world.

Art is a therapy, a friend. You can always trust in creativity and it never lies. Where else could you feel such love, such happiness than being completely and utterly at peace with a collograph or painting?

A friend messaged me this tonight. Your comments are appreciated.truth

Definition of Honest from Urban Dictionary

A divine attribute we often wrongly assign to one we admire, but sadly, like telepathy, honesty is a characteristic not inherent in humanity. To be truly and completely honest with someone, one must first be truly and completely honest with one’s self. Since our species is incapable of seeing past its own fears, desires, prejudices, convictions, emotional attachments, memories and flawed perceptions, man is not capable of viewing an unfiltered reality. Every single conclusion a person comes to is first carefully screened and reviewed through a series of subconscious unrelated facets of collective reasoning and thus all humanity is blind to all truth. Thus, no one is truly and completely honest with themselves and thus cannot be truly and completely honest with others. The most anyone can hope to give is their honest opinion. But that’s all it is, an opinion.

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Golden Key.” What box would I open? I thought about sitting in on ‘big wig’ business meeting just to make sense of the madness of the business world or ‘rat race’ but would this benefit me in any way? I doubt it and what a waste if I only had one key.

I could think about a box full of the secrets of life but again, would this guarantee a happy contented life or just a life where there was nothing to look forward. A life where the element of surprise and adventure would be lost and there would be no need for hope as you will have the blueprint.

So then, what else?

If I had a golden key, I would unlock the brain of the depressive. I would trace the steps to find the source of where they lost all hope and look at the impact that words had played in their measure of self belief. I would sift through all the wreckage that had build up and search and search to find gems which have been overlooked or easily forgotten when the dark cloud or black dog has got its grip.

I would make a board of all my findings, plaster a wall and surround myself with memories of the positivity in life and bring my back on the path of hope. I would burn the negative findings so that I wouldn’t get enveloped in them again and make a ‘to do’ pile of pieces that I would address when my self belief returned.

The fact is just this though. I have that key already. I have access to all this if I would give myself time and trust in others to help me. The key isn’t hidden, its just been mislaid. When its time, it will appear and I can then unlock ‘infinite precious things’.

 

rozinfocus.wordpress.com
Image sourced on google and found on rozinfocus.wordpress.com

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Right place, right time

Sometime you just have to be in the right place at the right time. This morning I was enamoured by a dolphin swimming in the sea, it’s not an everyday occurrence here in England but today the performance was just for me.

The day ended much as it began with being in the right place at the right time. I hadn’t planned to capture photographs today but the opportunities were there. Not only were they there, but I took them.

I was reminded today of going that extra distance to get the fullness of what can be seen. Life can be like that. You can go so far, taste the sweetness but then stop often thinking that either you don’t deserve any more, or that to go further would spoil the experience. However, by going further, your perception can change, the sunset deepen and the richness becomes richer. Why settle when you can have more?

Moving from the ‘rat race’ into creativity has opened up a whole new world. By challenging myself to enter into more experiences I am learning more about myself, others and that life can really get brighten if you just go that little bit further! X

Why not comment on where have you found yourself in the right place at right time and share your photos xX

Here are mine to start you off. Enjoy the views! Xx

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Say it anyway

Write It For Her Anyway.

Wow, Stuart liked my last post ‘Goodnight Shirley’ which led me to read this wonderful tribute he wrote to his ‘nannie’. The post talks about wishing you had said such words whilst the person you write for, was still alive. How often have we used those well known words….if only.

Life can be fleeting and it takes something drastic or sudden to make you realise that. It can be a roller coaster at times and take unexpected twists and turns. It’s a common cry of the grieving person, ‘if only I had……’

‘Write it for her anyway’ reminds me of a question I was asked when I missed my mum terribly weeks after she died suddenly. ‘What would you want to say to your mum if she were here?’ I was asked by a counsellor whilst I sat facing an empty chair. ‘Imagine your mum was sat in that chair, what do you want to say to her?’

‘I did it mum!’ I said.

Such a powerful position to be in when you are desperate to just feel the love of a lost one and listen to their voice. ‘What do you imagine she would say to you Becky?’ He then asked? At this point I felt loved as I remembered my mum with her ever comforting voice saying… ‘I knew you would!’

Words can always be written or said. It eradicates the ‘if onlys’ and gets rid of that awful sense of guilt about the unspoken words or unfulfilled promises.

Today I can sit with my mum and dad and speak to them as if they were here. I can imagine my fathers sarcastic tones or expletives and imagine my mum laughing at some of my thoughts or behaviours. In truth I can face an empty chair and talk to them anyway…. And if I truly listen, I can hear their response.

Thanks to Stuart, I have remembered that this is something I can do and it’s healing power is amazing.

‘Love affair with your own b£&@!?£’

I heard this tonight and what a fabulous way to sum up the belief I can often have with some long held negative thoughts and opinions (bull£&@)) about myself. Quite often these beliefs are like a pair of old slippers, extremely comfortable, well worn and that, for some strange reason, I find reluctant to let go of.

Some beliefs are so ingrained that they have taken on the very steps I walk, the mannerisms I have and almost morph into me. Sometimes I don’t recognise the ‘bullshit’ and, quite often, believe wholeheartedly that what I tell myself, about myself, is the absolute truth. Thank God for perspective, for friends who can stop these thoughts simply by challenging their truths.

In ‘The four C’s’ I spoke about the four types of people I surround myself with today and I am grateful that these people give me a full and honest view of myself in ways that can be both positive and challenging.

I’m not saying I surround myself with people who pat me on the shoulder or continually stroke my ego, but people who care enough it give me the truth.

Another way it has been described recently is that you can surround yourself with so many different people and they are all staring at a beach ball. (Me) Each person has a different view point. Some see red and yellow, some blue and white but they are all seeing the same object/person.

The love affair with my own bull£&@ had to stop at some point. Running away from reality was not successful and it has been only by relying on the help of others that I have been able to start truly living.

A love affair can be something sordid or something truly beautiful. I want to dance through life wearing life like a loose garment, but before I can do that I need to take off the corset of self criticism/abuse or what was so aptly put tonight, bull&@£&. I need to untie the laces that have kept me from facing fears or trying new things and get rid of the limiting beliefs about not being good enough or that I was a ‘beautiful mistake’.

“Happiness is an inside job” said William Arthur Ward and I need to start feeding myself up on positivity and love for myself, from myself. Today I feel the happiest I’ve felt for a long time. A weekend that has been incredible and has shown the truth to me… I am good enough and that isn’t bull)&@&!

*I do not usually use bad language in my blog so please do not stop reading. This quote had to be used without being watered down. Sometimes it needs to be knocked in with a hammer rather than being stroked by a feather.

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
― Confucius

Well, the start of my blogging journey was encouraged by the book ‘Stuff work, let’s play’ by John Williams and today I can look back and think…I’m giving it a go, if nothing else. I am trying all sorts of adventures to find the one that feels most like play and then…. Hoping to find ways to get paid for it.

It’s a difficult task when your identity has been wrapped up in a profession for so long. It is hard not to hold on to the security of the ‘Devil you know’ and just trust that all will be well and that all my needs will be catered for. I have no particular faith, but I do believe that there is something greater that brings positive things into your life. I just need to believe that I am deserving of these things and that they will come.

I have been given a talent. I am an artist, and although that feels uncomfortable to say, it is true and I love doing what I do. I also love people. It is a source of pleasure to be surrounded by creative and loving people, but I have learnt this year that in order to fill myself up I need solitude.

In the solitude, I can hear the truth, when I stop that racing chatter that feeds the negative thoughts I tend to see reason. When I take a walk and look at the incredible detail in flowers I know that there are things at work, far bigger than I can ever imagine. It doesn’t have to have a label of God, Spirit, Universe or whatever is your preference but I do have to have some acceptance that something is at work.

When I was a child, I believed. I had a unquestionable faith that I would be ok. Amongst the madness of childhood and all it entails, I was ok. I grew into the loving, caring and wonderful person I am today who is surrounded by people who believe in me. (Quite often more than I believe in myself).
I was fearless in my approach to life and took life as it came. I would always see the positive in people and situations. In short, I had faith.

That is what I want again. To walk with assurance that all will be ok, that I will find a job which doesn’t feel like work. That I will reinvent myself as an Artist and unravel my identity that has been wrapped up in the rat race for so long. That I will be free.

What a wonderful place that would be to exist. So what’s stopping me?
I think I will get out of my own way, and as a true friend says, stop thinking. My old boss (now friend) use to say, ‘You are where you’re at…. Now what?’

Answers on a postcard please!

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Thoughts are like seeds that grow in your mind

Blue Flower 001

I don’t know about you but I have been brought up to be self sufficient. Currently it kills me to be reliantly on others, waiting for phone calls to work in the rat race so that I have the funds to be creative. I was going to entitle this ‘spinning plates’ as I feel that’s what I am trying to do.

I want to do so much and there is not enough time, or money, to do all the things I want. I have exciting plans and yet know that there are some ‘shoulds’ that I have to do first before I can surround myself with loads of happiness and be creative.

I haven’t always felt like this. I have had jobs with lots of money and yet haven’t had the strength or motivation to do anything due to unhappiness and ill health. When I took the decision to leave a well paid job, I knew it was absolutely necessary for my life! I will never regret making that decision. Today I have a good life and I love it but unfortunately I carry with me that financial insecurity of my childhood which can tarnish my view today.

Why is it that the only negative in my life is often at the forefront? When I look at the reality of my life, I have everything I need. Thankfully I know that these feelings are fleeting and when I start to work on my creative tasks I get lost. The plates spin by themselves and all is well. When I concentrate on only one aspect of my  life, quite often it can become immense and impossible to control. It grows like a huge beast over powering the positive and whitewashing hope. It loses all sense of proportion.

“Thoughts are like seeds that grow in your mind… once they take root and are given light they will flourish. It is up to you to chose whether they will be weeds or Flowers.” Kim Bayne

What I need to do is to keep everything in its right place and its right size. Count my blessing and focus on the positives in my life. I need to surround myself with flowers and bask in their beauty. Until next time X

 

To thine own self be true

Following yesterday’s post, I’ve tried today to live in the now and I’ve had a lovely day. Apart from the odd phone call about possible work I’ve managed to stay in the present without worrying about the next pay cheque or opportunity of work.

I suppose that’s the only downside to escaping the rat race. No longer do I look forward to the 22nd of the month when I could breathe a sigh of relief that money was coming in and when I had the luxury to buy what I wanted without thinking.

Don’t get me wrong, I want for nothing. I am not destitute and I am in a fortunate position, but it’s a insecurity that is years old.

When you’ve worked to build a career and the wage that rewards the effort, I have found it difficult to go from that, to waiting to receive a call asking you to work. The answer? Make my own work!

As a self employed artist, it’s about finding a problem to solve that would form a regular income. I’ve also got to consider the ‘impulse buyers’ and have pieces of work that are affordable. I’ve read in a book that someone has made a living writing a blog and travelling. Wow! If I didn’t have such self doubt I’m sure I could do that! Hahahahahahaha

Anyway about the ‘now’. I want for nothing, I have shelter, food, warmth, love and security and I am enjoying the freedom of not being involved directly in the rat race. I’m allowing myself the gift of time to build a career around what I love but also what I believe I am good at.

I went into teaching to change people’s lives, to make a difference. I know I did that in the years I worked within FE.

However over the last 7 years the students I worked with changed my life and perspective. They helped me to become more loving, compassionate and more supportive to the ‘underdogs’. The ones that no one wanted to work with, but those I found I had a natural ability to work alongside.

In those 7 years I became the best teacher I could’ve been. I was ‘outstanding’ according to OFSTED and I saw miracles in the lovely students I worked with, so why, you may ask, did I leave?

Because I could no longer protect them. I could no longer assure them that they would be ok and that no one could hurt them in my care. Systems were put in place that meant that I couldn’t create the haven that they craved nor keep the wolves from them. I felt powerless.

I was often told to keep my emotions out of the role, but how could I? When you are working with the most vulnerable how do you keep robotic, lifeless or unattached?

As an artist I am emotional, I feel, I see and observe many things. I feel pain with other people and cry alongside the strongest of characters. I also feel tremendous joy when I know the battles that people have overcome to gain qualifications or achievements that they thought they would never get!

I am me and, although I am far from perfect, I can’t and won’t change the person I am to fit into any one else scheme anymore. I will not force a square peg into a round hole just to please others. I have to be true to me.

Of course I miss the money, the security and excitement of the 22nd of each month, but what I miss, I gain in the new adventures and connections I am making whilst I’m making this transition from rat race into creativity!

I am open minded and willing to learn. Any comments or suggestions on how to grow my little business would be greatly appreciated xx

Thanks for reading x

http://www.beckyfield.com

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And breathe!

Good evening. Tonight is the first time in a while that I have had an early night, I’ve literally ran out of steam! (Temporarily)

On August 1st I started this blog and what a journey the last 26 days have been. A fantastic journey.

Since reading ‘Screw work, let’s play’ by John Williams, I have achieved the following:
1) Set up my blog! Which I am happy to say has been a great introduction into the world of international like-minded people and opened my life up to a whole new set of creativity.
2) Set up my own little business under my own name (You are enough)
3) Ran some workshops using my skills and training in art and teaching and currently in the process of organising more in the hope of making it a regular affair.
4) Started selling my work commercially.
5) Created and launched my website http://www.beckyfield.com
6) Created my Facebook business page Becky Field, Artist where I have met a whole host of lovely people who share the same love for arts and crafts.
7) Organised my first exhibition and finally
8) I have seen that I have made the right decision of leaving the ‘rat race’ and living life in the realm of creativity

What a privilege to have travelled so far in such a short space of time. God willing it may continue. Thanks for reading and encouraging me along the way.

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The four C’s

I can’t be the only creative person to buckle up in the morning and face the rollercoaster of emotions throughout a day? I never cease to be amazed at how I can so easily be affected by another person’s opinions or behaviour.

I give away my power to people who will probably sleep like babies. They would not give a second thought about the candle of hope that they have distinguished with their thoughtless comments.

Is this a trait of the ever creative, sensitive specimens of life? My Aunty would say… ‘Paint your frustration Becky’ but I just climb into my cave and wait…… Wait until I feel safe…….. Wait…. Peep to see who is still around……. Wait…… And then emerge, sore but ready to buckle up again.

Today I’ve re-emerged from licking my wounds of unsolicited advice. The type of advice that makes you feel belittled or incompetent. The type that lingers like a monkey on your shoulder that whispers to you such comments such as; ‘who are you trying to kid?’, ‘you?, an artist? A designer?’ Or the old favourite of ‘you are not good enough, forget your dreams, don’t be so ridiculous’.

When I give thoughts like this time to take root, I’ve lost. I have to dig them out immediately, talk them over with someone. Someone who just wants to listen.

Whilst on a personal development course I learnt that everyone generally needs 4 C’s in their life.

Cheerleaders – these are the people who are encouragers. These are the people who believe in you even when you don’t.

Confidants – These people are the ones who listen without judgement and that you can trust wholeheartedly.

Challengers – (my least favourite) These are the people who positively challenge your thoughts and behaviours. These people are not easy company but give you a different perspective.

And finally

Coaches – (my favourite) These are the people who help you to find your own answers, direction and solutions. Those who walk with you side by side.

I revisited this last night after doubting whether I was being over sensitive or reacting defensively or negatively to a ‘challenger’. I don’t believe today I was. When I read this last night the word ‘positively’ stood out. I allowed the person to influence my mood negatively. I wasn’t given a new perspective in a manner which was uplifting and I literally felt myself deflate over a matter of hours.

I was left in self doubt about myself, my artwork and questioned whether I was really being ridiculous. What a complete drop from the exhilaration I felt a couple of days ago, where I was absolutely certain that I had it in me to be successful. What a roller-coaster.

Do I dare to dream? Of course I do. I’ve come this far and I’m not about to start listening to the monkey that tells me to forget it. I am going to surround myself with coaches and cheerleaders who believe in me. Those who love me enough to let me make my own discoveries in this creative world. I will trust my confidants to be there for me, as I am for others. And finally I will welcome the challengers who positively help in my awareness and help me to gain a different perspective.

Maybe then It would be more like a gentle fairground ride rather than the highs and lows of a roller-coaster.

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