‘Love affair with your own b£&@!?£’

I heard this tonight and what a fabulous way to sum up the belief I can often have with some long held negative thoughts and opinions (bull£&@)) about myself. Quite often these beliefs are like a pair of old slippers, extremely comfortable, well worn and that, for some strange reason, I find reluctant to let go of.

Some beliefs are so ingrained that they have taken on the very steps I walk, the mannerisms I have and almost morph into me. Sometimes I don’t recognise the ‘bullshit’ and, quite often, believe wholeheartedly that what I tell myself, about myself, is the absolute truth. Thank God for perspective, for friends who can stop these thoughts simply by challenging their truths.

In ‘The four C’s’ I spoke about the four types of people I surround myself with today and I am grateful that these people give me a full and honest view of myself in ways that can be both positive and challenging.

I’m not saying I surround myself with people who pat me on the shoulder or continually stroke my ego, but people who care enough it give me the truth.

Another way it has been described recently is that you can surround yourself with so many different people and they are all staring at a beach ball. (Me) Each person has a different view point. Some see red and yellow, some blue and white but they are all seeing the same object/person.

The love affair with my own bull£&@ had to stop at some point. Running away from reality was not successful and it has been only by relying on the help of others that I have been able to start truly living.

A love affair can be something sordid or something truly beautiful. I want to dance through life wearing life like a loose garment, but before I can do that I need to take off the corset of self criticism/abuse or what was so aptly put tonight, bull&@£&. I need to untie the laces that have kept me from facing fears or trying new things and get rid of the limiting beliefs about not being good enough or that I was a ‘beautiful mistake’.

“Happiness is an inside job” said William Arthur Ward and I need to start feeding myself up on positivity and love for myself, from myself. Today I feel the happiest I’ve felt for a long time. A weekend that has been incredible and has shown the truth to me… I am good enough and that isn’t bull)&@&!

*I do not usually use bad language in my blog so please do not stop reading. This quote had to be used without being watered down. Sometimes it needs to be knocked in with a hammer rather than being stroked by a feather.

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