“You see persons and things not as they are but as you are. ”
― Anthony de Mello
I am a little undecided about what to blog about tonight. I don’t aim to be a master of writing nor a philosopher on life but it does help to share my thoughts and artwork to help people get to know me and what I am about.
That, in itself, is a massive step for me as I lived behind masks for years. I know today this was because I didn’t really like myself enough to let people get to know me. Today I like myself :-).
Ok, so two subjects have been whirling around my head and in some way they are entwined. The first is awareness. I love the subject of awareness. My life over the last few years has led me to become aware of myself, my thoughts and how they affect my behaviour.
“People mistakenly assume that their thinking is done by their head; it is actually done by the heart which first dictates the conclusion, then commands the head to provide the reasoning that will defend it.”
― Anthony de Mello
I love to people watch. Some call it awareness, some judgement, but I call it self preservation. I watch, I become aware, I judge and then I preserve my sense of self. I no longer hide behind masks or pretend. I learnt the meaning of the word congruence and, as a visual learner, I pictured two parallel lines. I wanted to be congruent in all my life. I wanted to be, and live, in line with my thoughts and feelings and be honest and open. What a great freedom this has given me.
A couple of days ago I posted about my values and being true to those values. Escaping the rat race enabled me to do just that. To draw new parallel lines that meant I was true to myself, my loves and passions.
The second subject was about putting people on pedestals. I personally find it dangerous. No man or woman should be put on a pedestal. We are all human and we make mistakes. I have a friend who says ‘high expectations, low serenity’. We are not faultless and to place someone in an unreachable position leads to unhappiness when our needs are not met. If people put you on a pedestal the same is true, you fail to meet the needs of others who raise you up.
Tonight I sat in a room and watched. I could write a general description of the people in the room from my perspective. However, as Antony de Mello says, “You see persons and things not as they are but as you are. ” Another person in the room tonight would see a completely different picture. They would feel a completely different vibe and both of us would be right for us. I saw people lifted up on pedestals and also with people who sought validation for what they were saying.
Art is very subjective, it can be viewed very differently by whoever chooses to look at the piece or series of works. It would be fabulous to create something that could be seen as ‘dynamic’, ‘original’, ‘ground-breaking’ or ‘beautiful’. I wait expectantly to see/hear people’s opinions of my work but in reality, the only persons opinions that should matter is my own. I only need to answer the questions of whether I fulfilling my creative needs and being true to myself?
In truth, I find it uncomfortable to think that I don’t need affirmation from others. I am not yet at the point where I don’t need to seek the approval of others and I envy those who have that self assurance. I still have a way to go in fully believing in my skills and abilities. There is work to do in creating and having faith in my successful identity as an artist. I have only just begun to see the value in my own gift, rather than in the gift of teaching others the skills I already possess.
I write not to gain assurance from others but I love it when I get an email to say that someone is following me. It helps me to realise that I have a voice, that I am worth reading about and that I am not alone in this journey of self awareness. Hopefully I can help in your awareness journey by walking with you hand in hand. Maybe we can share what we see and learn new insights.